15 Lessons I’ve Learned In 15 Years Of Marriage.

Today, my wife and I celebrate 15 years of marriage. I have learned so many valuable lessons in that time. To keep the post from being 10,000 words long, I’ve condensed it to 15. 🙂

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1- Marriage is a long-term investment, not a one-time deposit.

If you base everything on the wedding day, you’ll be disappointed. You plan a wedding, you invest in a marriage. And it’s an on-going investment, not a one-time deposit. That doesn’t work.

2- Servanthood wins!

I learned a long time ago that if I put my wife’s needs above my own, and choose to serve her everyday, I experience marital success.

3- Intimacy is so much more than sex.

In fact, sex makes up a very small percentage of intimacy. Intimacy in it’s truest form, embodies the conversations we have, the moments we share together, and the life-long commitment we make.

4- Communication is the golden ticket.

Over-communicate everything in marriage. This goes for both of you!

5- Put each other first, regardless of the season, or circumstance.

Children, careers, home-ownership, friendships….they all take a backseat to your spouse, always!

6- Allow your spouse to be themselves. 

Nothing fosters bitterness quicker than a spouse who stifles the personality or spirit of their husband or wife. If your spouse is taking advantage of you or acting like a jerk, this does not apply. Besides, a person who is authentic and genuine, doesn’t need to act like a jerk.

7- Keep dating.

I know you’ve probably read this a million times on other blogs about marriage, but it’s true. Farm those kids out to someone else and get out of town for a bit. You both need it!

8- Share everything. 

Bank accounts, a home, a bed, resources, possessions….everything! What’s yours is his, and what’s his is yours.

9- Learn the words “I’m sorry,” and mean it when you use them. 

Forgiveness keeps the fibers that bind your hearts together strong and healthy!

10- Fail forward.

You’re going to screw up, say things you don’t mean, and let each other down. You’re not perfect. When you fail…fail forward. Never stop growing.

11- Do not cling to the “love” you had for one another when you first met.

Mostly because it was more infatuation than love. Love grows over the years. The love I have for my wife now, 15 years later, wasn’t even possible when we first got married because we had to experience life together in order to have the love we have for one another now. [Read my post on this here]

12- Be one another’s allies as you raise children.

Always be on each other’s side and on the same page in child-rearing. If you disagree with one another on the means, do it in private, not in front of your children. They will see your weakness and they will exploit it… 🙂

13- Love the life you’ve been given.

Be grateful…even for the tough times. You grow through the tough times. Celebrate every milestone and choose to always be in the moment with one another.

14- Keep your bedroom sacred.

Don’t allow your children to occupy space in your bedroom and limit their access. That’s your space as a couple and it’s sacred. Guard it, nurture it, and keep it as just yours. [Read my post on this here]

15- Publicly honor one another.

Celebrate your spouse publicly in front of others. Give them credit and make sure others know how important they are to you always. Introduce them in a circle of people where they may not know anyone. Stand behind them so they can be seen and acknowledged by others. Nothing makes a spouse feel worthless faster than being in a public situation where they feel neglected or unknown.

Question: Been married a while? What lessons have you learned? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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  • I have learned not to assume anything and try to learn something new about your spouse everyday.

    • Great advice!! Thanks for your comment.

  • No Matter What Mom

    I have learned to avoid compromise in favor of a solution that really works for both of us. It takes more creativity and a lot more listening and trying to understand my husband’s needs fully, but I’m always glad when we come to a win-win instead of a win-lose/lose-win in which neither of us gets our needs met. When both of us are prepared to sacrifice for each other, amazing things happen.

  • Pingback: The Adventure of 15 Years | Justice • Kindness • Humility()

  • Shawn

    I have be married for nine years my husband and i where living happily and just two months ago my husband meant his ex girl friend whom he had in school days and all of a sudden he started dating her again and he never cared about his family again all he does is to stay late at night and when he come’s back he will just lie to me that he hard some fault with his car,there was this faithful day i caught the both of them in a shop,i walked to them and told the girl to stay of my husband girlfriend again,i have suffered too much in the hand of a cheating husband but and when he came home that evening he beat me up even despite the fact that i was pregnant he was just kicking and warning me to never point a finger on his affairs. thank to Dr.Osaze.Malacca whom i got from a blog site after a long search for a real spell caster i was so happy that he fulfilled all what he said in just less than three days after the spell was cast they quarrelled and he broke up with the girl and his senses are fully back and he now care and love me like he have never done before and if you are their suffering from a broken marriage or your husband or ex cheats? you can email:spirituallove @ hotmail . com