For the next 4 weeks, leading up to our re-launch of the podcast (with the brand new name of The Honestly Adoption Podcast) we’re sharing some of our favorite past episodes as a #tbt!
It’s a question we receive several times a week from people all over the country. “How do I love a child who keeps pushing me away, and could care less about me or my family?” We, along with our co-host Nicole Goerges, are right in the middle of this trench.
That first real hug. Hearing “I love you mom,” and knowing she means it. Watching him participate peacefully with the rest of the family. Having her not melt down when dad puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. These are all things that most parents are accustomed to on a daily basis with their children. They’re normal, everyday, functioning activities. But when your child has come from a traumatic past, bounced from home to home through foster care before coming to yours, or been adopted out of an abusive experience, these are moments you cherish more than gold.
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We will both be speaking at the La Punta, Colorado Foster and Adoptive Support Group on January 2nd, 2018.
||January 2, 2018
||La Junta, Colorado Support Group
||La Junta, Colorado
We spend so much of this journey fighting for our children, and helping them fight through the trauma they’ve endured, that we rarely take time to process it ourselves. That’s why a simple question, recently asked of me, has me thinking…
This past weekend we attended a discussion group in a small coffee house in a neighboring town to ours. The topics ranged from pain, to overcoming grief, to God, to suffering in the world, to personal struggles. And then the facilitator asked us a question that we’ve rarely been asked over our 15-year adoptive journey: “How do YOU process and work through your child’s trauma?”
We get your frustration because we’ve been there many times in the past. We’ve walked out of doctor’s offices, IEP meetings, and counseling appointments defeated and mad. But we’ve discovered a few powerful truths about advocating for our child when it seems no one is listening…
You sit in your car gripping your steering wheel so tight it’s causing your knuckles to turn white. The rush of blood to your head is making it hard to see. In your throat is a knot, and you grit your teeth so fiercely you may break a tooth. You’re mad. More than that, you’re done! Done with being talked down to, done with being disregarded as knowledgable, and done with trying to advocate for your child only to be dismissed constantly.
Everyone of us on the adoptive journey has gone through training, seminars, and events to educate us on everything from trauma, to attachment, to crisis intervention. But education pales in comparison to our connection to others. Here’s why:
I was talking to a close friend the other day when he said something that resonated deeply with me (and spawned an entire blog post :-)). He said, “The United States is one of the most educated countries around. We have trillions of articles at the touch of a button. Yet people still languish and wallow in despair and defeat. Not for lack of information, but rather lack of community and connection.”
Mike will be speaking at the Thrive Conference Adoption & Foster Care Conference in Langley, British Columbia on January 19-20, 2018. For details click here.
Learn more about booking us to speak in 2018. We have several dates available. Click "Learn More" in our Event Date box on the right of this page.
It’s a still a question we receive from time to time, from non-adoptive and pre-adoptive parents alike. How can you love a child who’s not biologically yours? We understand where this comes from, but we’ve come to a straight up conclusion.
We just….do. Honestly, I’m sitting here typing, early in the morning, with the grandiose idea of busting out some clever rhetoric to reinforce the point of this post but I’m at a loss. I can’t explain it any other way than to say, we do. Blood, biology, DNA, and all the other fixins’ have nothing to do with it.
You made the decision to adopt and joyfully welcomed a child into your home. But now you find yourself struggling to feel the same love for them that you do for your biological children. You wonder, “Will I ever love them the same?”
Tears spilled over the bottom of Maria’s eyes like a breached dam. As they streamed down her cheeks, she sniffled. Through broken words she admitted something she had not been able to vocalize until that point: “I don’t feel love for my adopted son, the way I do for my biological kids! I wish I did…but I don’t.”