How To Love A Child Who Won’t Love You Back.

#TBT- Season 2, Episode 14- The Honestly Speaking Parenting Podcast

For the next 4 weeks, leading up to our re-launch of the podcast (with the brand new name of The Honestly Adoption Podcast) we’re sharing some of our favorite past episodes as a #tbt!

It’s a question we receive several times a week from people all over the country. “How do I love a child who keeps pushing me away, and could care less about me or my family?” We, along with our co-host Nicole Goerges, are right in the middle of this trench.

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That first real hug. Hearing “I love you mom,” and knowing she means it. Watching him participate peacefully with the rest of the family. Having her not melt down when dad puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. These are all things that most parents are accustomed to on a daily basis with their children. They’re normal, everyday, functioning activities. But when your child has come from a traumatic past, bounced from home to home through foster care before coming to yours, or been adopted out of an abusive experience, these are moments you cherish more than gold.

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How Do You Process Your Child’s Trauma?

We spend so much of this journey fighting for our children, and helping them fight through the trauma they’ve endured, that we rarely take time to process it ourselves. That’s why a simple question, recently asked of me, has me thinking…

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This past weekend we attended a discussion group in a small coffee house in a neighboring town to ours. The topics ranged from pain, to overcoming grief, to God, to suffering in the world, to personal struggles. And then the facilitator asked us a question that we’ve rarely been asked over our 15-year adoptive journey: “How do YOU process and work through your child’s trauma?”

The Stuff I Learned From My Traumatic Past.

Season 6, Episode 57- The Honestly Speaking Podcast

“Your past may explain you, but it doesn’t define you.” This last installment of our summer series, “The Stuff I Learned,” is an honest story of one family’s struggle through the dark, hard places of trauma and despair, to the places (and person) of Hope.

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Don’t miss out on this amazing interview with adoptee, Sandeep Thomas, and his two special guests (you’ll have to listen to find out who!), as they share how they have found, and continue to find, hope, joy, and gratitude on the sometimes difficult journey of adoption.

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How To Advocate For Your Child When No One Is Listening.

We get your frustration because we’ve been there many times in the past. We’ve walked out of doctor’s offices, IEP meetings, and counseling appointments defeated and mad. But we’ve discovered a few powerful truths about advocating for our child when it seems no one is listening…

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You sit in your car gripping your steering wheel so tight it’s causing your knuckles to turn white. The rush of blood to your head is making it hard to see. In your throat is a knot, and you grit your teeth so fiercely you may break a tooth. You’re mad. More than that, you’re done! Done with being talked down to, done with being disregarded as knowledgable, and done with trying to advocate for your child only to be dismissed constantly.

How To Prepare Your Adopted (Or Foster) Child For School Bullies.

This is a guest post by our good friend, Sherrie Eldridge. Her best-selling work, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, is considered required reading by many US adoption agencies. In 2010, she was named Indiana’s Congressional Angel of Adoption by the Honorable Dan Burton, Indiana Congressional Representative. Follow Sherrie’s blog here.

Out of everything we must prepare for on the foster and adoptive journey, one thing that catches us off guard, are the kids at school who are quick to pick on our kiddos, or ask inappropriate, hurtful questions. How can we adequately prepare our kids for some of these instances?

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I still remember the snotty-nosed eight year old kids that encircled me and taunted, “Sherrie’s adopted, Sherrie’s adopted.” It was in a corner of the school yard, out of the sight of teachers. To this day, I can recall the color of the bricks in the background.

The Stuff I Learned Through The Trials Of The Adoption Journey.

We are so blessed to have our friend, Lisa Qualls, from One Thankful Mom, here today to share with us some of the hardest parts of her story.  Hear what she has learned about finding Hope within the grief of losing a child, both as a birth mom and later as an adoptive mom.

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Lisa has a unique and varied perspective as both a birth mom, a mom of many, and adoptive and foster mom.  She has suffered and learned through many years of parenting children from hard places, including having a child in residential care for a season and has also suffered the sudden loss of a child in a tragic accident. Listen in as Lisa shares with real, raw, honesty and offers empathetic understanding for anyone experiencing great suffering.

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Why ‘Community’ Must Come Before ‘Education’ On The Adoptive Journey.

Everyone of us on the adoptive journey has gone through training, seminars, and events to educate us on everything from trauma, to attachment, to crisis intervention. But education pales in comparison to our connection to others. Here’s why:

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I was talking to a close friend the other day when he said something that resonated deeply with me (and spawned an entire blog post :-)). He said, “The United States is one of the most educated countries around. We have trillions of articles at the touch of a button. Yet people still languish and wallow in despair and defeat. Not for lack of information, but rather lack of community and connection.”

The Stuff I Learned About Taking Care Of Myself.

Season 6, Episode 55- The Honestly Speaking Parenting Podcast

Self-care for adoptive and foster parents.  We’ve all heard about it.  We have a feeling it might be important, but, honestly, who has time?

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The truth is, parental self-care is a foundational part of being able to care for our children well.  While we may feel like this is one thing we just can’t get around to, it is actually the one thing that can get everything else moving in a positive direction.  Listen in as Mike interviews Carrie Blake, former foster parent, adoptive parent, mama of 7, whose journey towards self-care will inspire and motivate even the most “self-care challenged” among us.

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