The journey started off on a good note, only to come crashing down on you a few months later. When you find yourself whispering, “I didn’t sign up for this,” where do you go next?
Let me begin this post by first saying, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know and I know! Sister, I’ve been there. Brother, I’ve walked in your shoes. No one told you about the way trauma rears its ugly head. No one told you about the real story behind his bed wetting, or her rage, or his impulsiveness. You jumped into this journey with two passionate feet and a heart to bring light into the darkness of a broken child’s life. And now, you’re exhausted and your kid is holding your entire family hostage.
This past week my children came home from school repeating political rhetoric they no doubt heard from classmates at school. Instead of counter with our opinion, we chose to have a conversation about it.
I can’t scroll through my Facebook feed without seeing it. Trump is refusing access to Syrian refugees. Trump wants to build a wall on the boarder of the United States and Mexico. Trump wants to use tax-payer’s money to do so. Trump is misunderstood. Trump is the anti-Christ. Give Trump a chance. Here’s what Trump’s executive order really means. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah….and blah! I just want to see what people are up to on Facebook! Is that too much to ask?
We know the feeling. More importantly, we know the wrestling match you’re in because you don’t feel the guilt you think you’re supposed to feel. But, this honest admission doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent.
He prefaced the statement with, “I’m ashamed to admit this.” Then he paused, took a deep breath, lowered his head, and finally released it…. “My son doesn’t live at home right now, and I don’t feel guilty about that. In fact…” he paused again, choking back a reservoir of emotion building behind his eyes, “I love the peace that we feel without him here. I’ve waited so long for it.” I placed my arm on his shoulder empathetically. “I know,” I said, looking him in the eyes.
Hope. There’s barely another word in the english language that evokes as much emotion as this one. Either you have it, or you don’t. The question is, is there any way to find it when your life is falling apart?
I used to think that I would find hope AFTER I escaped the difficult life circumstances I found myself in. AFTER my child stopped flipping out. AFTER his disorder and behavior held everyone else prisoner. AFTER my daughter moved past her attachment issues and started bonding in a healthy way with our family. AFTER we moved past the season of making long drives down to a visitation center. I became so fixated on the “some day,” that I failed to see the possibility for hope in the here and now. But I’ve learned that you can find hope in the here and now. You can find it in the middle of the wreckage of life. That’s our topic on today’s episode…
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: iTunes | Android |
Not a day goes by where I don’t hear it and almost believe it. It’s that voice that whispers and reminds me of all the awful things I wonder about myself, and this journey as an adoptive and foster parent. But there’s a few truths I’ve discovered about this voice.
You heard it, didn’t you? I’m willing to bet, the moment you opened your eyes this morning, it whispered. Heck, it may have even infiltrated your dreams. Like a thief entering your house undetected, it slithered it’s way into your bedroom and poured itself right into your ear. It whispered to you before you even moved your body from beneath your covers. I know you heard it because I heard it too…
We are always striving to make Confessions Of An Adoptive Parent a better blog that helps you on your journey. That’s why we greatly value your opinion and feedback. Could you help us out by filling out our 2017 reader survey?
I’d love to help! Take me to the survey.
Two-thousand-sixteen was an amazing year with many new milestones and accomplishments. We traveled to more than 30 states around the country speaking to foster and adoptive parenting groups, our podcast, Honestly Speaking averaged over 4000 downloads a month, and our monthly readership grew from 50,000 to more than 100,000 readers a month. By November we received news that we now had readers in more than 25 countries around the globe. Hundreds of thousands of awesome foster and adoptive parents have found community through Confessions and we couldn’t be more grateful. But we’re far from the finish line. We want to make 2017 even better than 2016 for our audience!
Could you help us accomplish this? Your opinion and feedback matter. Click the button below and take our reader survey…
I’d love to help! Take me to the survey.
Thanks in advance for your feedback and readership. We are grateful for each and everyone of you!
*Editor’s Note- This is a guest post by our good friend Lisa Qualls. She is a writer, speaker, mom of 12, and the creator of Thankful Moms
, where she writes about motherhood, adoption, faith, and grief. Lisa is a mom by birth and adoption. Along with her husband Russ, their adoption journey has been marked by joy as well as challenges of trauma and attachment. You can visit her blog here
, and connect with her on Facebook here
Holidays are wonderful family times, but holidays can also be are hard – especially for families with kids from “hard places.” The pressure of special events, increased anxiety, and disruption of schedules due to school vacations, can sometimes bring about true crisis.
Four years ago, I wrote a post to my readers on Christmas Eve. It was early in the morning; my family was sleeping and snow was falling outside the windows in the pre-dawn hour. I’d been silent, unable to write for several days as I tried to make sense of the crisis we found ourselves in.
It took us a while to get there, but after years of parenting children from traumatic places, we finally had our eyes opened up. It became a game-changer for us, and our parenting.
There are only 3 things I would go back in time and change if I had the power to do so. The first was field day in 6th grade. The event was cancelled due to rain and all students who decided not to come to school were excused. But I didn’t know this so I got on the bus anyways. Fail! The second was when I began my first real job after college. I wish I could go back and tell my young self to save as much money as possible. The third was in 2004 when we first began the foster care journey. If only I could go back in time and tell myself everything I know now about parenting children from trauma.