My Child With FASD Is A Warrior!

The world often looks at a child like mine, who suffers from fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD), as a hopeless case. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. He is a warrior. And he is overcoming this disorder every single day!

Cute Little Knight

My son sat slumped next to the front door in a defeated posture. 
“What’s wrong kiddo?” I said. “We’re going to church and you won’t tie my shoe for me!” he shouted back. I jumped, surprised at his response. He hadn’t asked for help. To my knowledge, he hadn’t even been sitting there that long. I crouched down next to him. I almost yelled but remembered quickly that my son’s brain doesn’t work like other children, he has FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) and his frustration level goes from 0-60 without warning. I took a breath again and asked if I could show him how to do it with one shoe and he could do it with the other shoe. “No!” he shouted again. I stood up and calmly reminded him that shouting hurts my feelings, I would be happy to help when he was ready.

How To Love A Child Who Won’t Love You Back.

#TBT- Season 2, Episode 14- The Honestly Speaking Parenting Podcast

For the next 4 weeks, leading up to our re-launch of the podcast (with the brand new name of The Honestly Adoption Podcast) we’re sharing some of our favorite past episodes as a #tbt!

It’s a question we receive several times a week from people all over the country. “How do I love a child who keeps pushing me away, and could care less about me or my family?” We, along with our co-host Nicole Goerges, are right in the middle of this trench.

Untitled Design (23)

That first real hug. Hearing “I love you mom,” and knowing she means it. Watching him participate peacefully with the rest of the family. Having her not melt down when dad puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. These are all things that most parents are accustomed to on a daily basis with their children. They’re normal, everyday, functioning activities. But when your child has come from a traumatic past, bounced from home to home through foster care before coming to yours, or been adopted out of an abusive experience, these are moments you cherish more than gold.

Play

How Do You Process Your Child’s Trauma?

We spend so much of this journey fighting for our children, and helping them fight through the trauma they’ve endured, that we rarely take time to process it ourselves. That’s why a simple question, recently asked of me, has me thinking…

Perfect Sunset

This past weekend we attended a discussion group in a small coffee house in a neighboring town to ours. The topics ranged from pain, to overcoming grief, to God, to suffering in the world, to personal struggles. And then the facilitator asked us a question that we’ve rarely been asked over our 15-year adoptive journey: “How do YOU process and work through your child’s trauma?”

How To Advocate For Your Child When No One Is Listening.

We get your frustration because we’ve been there many times in the past. We’ve walked out of doctor’s offices, IEP meetings, and counseling appointments defeated and mad. But we’ve discovered a few powerful truths about advocating for our child when it seems no one is listening…

Attention !

You sit in your car gripping your steering wheel so tight it’s causing your knuckles to turn white. The rush of blood to your head is making it hard to see. In your throat is a knot, and you grit your teeth so fiercely you may break a tooth. You’re mad. More than that, you’re done! Done with being talked down to, done with being disregarded as knowledgable, and done with trying to advocate for your child only to be dismissed constantly.

How To Prepare Your Adopted (Or Foster) Child For School Bullies.

This is a guest post by our good friend, Sherrie Eldridge. Her best-selling work, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, is considered required reading by many US adoption agencies. In 2010, she was named Indiana’s Congressional Angel of Adoption by the Honorable Dan Burton, Indiana Congressional Representative. Follow Sherrie’s blog here.

Out of everything we must prepare for on the foster and adoptive journey, one thing that catches us off guard, are the kids at school who are quick to pick on our kiddos, or ask inappropriate, hurtful questions. How can we adequately prepare our kids for some of these instances?

Girl crying

I still remember the snotty-nosed eight year old kids that encircled me and taunted, “Sherrie’s adopted, Sherrie’s adopted.” It was in a corner of the school yard, out of the sight of teachers. To this day, I can recall the color of the bricks in the background.

The Stuff I Learned Through The Trials Of The Adoption Journey.

We are so blessed to have our friend, Lisa Qualls, from One Thankful Mom, here today to share with us some of the hardest parts of her story.  Hear what she has learned about finding Hope within the grief of losing a child, both as a birth mom and later as an adoptive mom.

S6-E56 Art.001

Lisa has a unique and varied perspective as both a birth mom, a mom of many, and adoptive and foster mom.  She has suffered and learned through many years of parenting children from hard places, including having a child in residential care for a season and has also suffered the sudden loss of a child in a tragic accident. Listen in as Lisa shares with real, raw, honesty and offers empathetic understanding for anyone experiencing great suffering.

Play

The Stuff I Learned About Taking Care Of Myself.

Season 6, Episode 55- The Honestly Speaking Parenting Podcast

Self-care for adoptive and foster parents.  We’ve all heard about it.  We have a feeling it might be important, but, honestly, who has time?

Podcast Art- S6-E55.001

The truth is, parental self-care is a foundational part of being able to care for our children well.  While we may feel like this is one thing we just can’t get around to, it is actually the one thing that can get everything else moving in a positive direction.  Listen in as Mike interviews Carrie Blake, former foster parent, adoptive parent, mama of 7, whose journey towards self-care will inspire and motivate even the most “self-care challenged” among us.

Play

The Stuff I Learned From Our 16-Year Adoptive Journey.

Season 6, Episode 54- The Honestly Speaking Parenting Podcast

We are mixing it up this week on the Honestly Speaking Podcast, as Mike heads over to the other side of the microphone, where he is interviewed by Sandra Flach, from Justice for Orphans ministry, and he shares what HE and Kristin have learned from their own 16-year adoptive journey.

Podcast Art-S6-E54.001

Mike and Kristin have 8 children ages 8-31 whom they have adopted over the past 16 years.  They have adopted domestically through both private adoption and foster to adopt.  Mike and Kristin have faced many struggles along the way including learning how to parent children who have FASD and having a child in residential care.  You know and love them already as the founders of Confessions of an Adoptive Parent.  Here’s your chance to hear how the idea for Confessions was birthed, and to find out more about Oasis Community, our monthly membership site!

Play