We are always striving to make Confessions Of An Adoptive Parent a better blog that helps you on your journey. That’s why we greatly value your opinion and feedback. Could you help us out by filling out our 2017 reader survey?
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Two-thousand-sixteen was an amazing year with many new milestones and accomplishments. We traveled to more than 30 states around the country speaking to foster and adoptive parenting groups, our podcast, Honestly Speaking averaged over 4000 downloads a month, and our monthly readership grew from 50,000 to more than 100,000 readers a month. By November we received news that we now had readers in more than 25 countries around the globe. Hundreds of thousands of awesome foster and adoptive parents have found community through Confessions and we couldn’t be more grateful. But we’re far from the finish line. We want to make 2017 even better than 2016 for our audience!
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Thanks in advance for your feedback and readership. We are grateful for each and everyone of you!
It’s not always the case, but often, men can be the toughest nut to crack when it comes to the adoption journey. I know from personal experience. There are a few reasons why this happens, and some key steps you can take to change his mind.
Back in the day, before we got married, I said no to just about everything. In fact, if shaking my head was an Olympic sport, I would have taken the gold. I was such a difficult person to get along with in those days. One of the biggest topics Kristin and I disagreed over was parenting. Sitting in my metallic blue Pontiac Firebird one cold November night, in the fall of 1998, we had a
discussion fight over parenting. Kristin wanted to adopt. I did not. At all. Period. Case closed. End of discussion. Or, so I thought.
Over the past 17 years, we’ve discovered that many things create a healthy and happy home. The biggest? Putting the health of our marriage above our children.
It’s usually 8:30 when I give the first warning shot to my two teenaged daughters. At 9pm, I say, “Fifteen minutes till it’s time for you two to head upstairs.” I repeat this nearly every night. And nearly every night they argue. “But why do we have to go to bed at 9;15,” they lament. “We’re not children anymore.”
In October 2011, Kristin and I found out we were pregnant. Since we were adoptive parents already, this came as a bit of a surprise to us. We had never been down this parenting road before. However, we lost the baby the very next month. It was painful and confusing. I wrote the following words in the days that loomed after our miscarriage.
I walk out of a crowded Apple store and unwrap the plastic from my new iPhone earbuds. I’ve been needing a new pair. The original had lost their kick. Between working out and the drives to and from my office, the time had come for new ones. It had been over a year. 15 months to be exact. That’s probably 50 years in Apple years.
If there’s one thing that pays the price the most in foster care (or adoption), it’s the health of your marriage. How do you maintain the most important relationship you have and care for the children who have been placed in your home?
We stood on opposite ends of our kitchen staring at one another, tired, defeated, and barely awake. The sad part? It was 8pm on a Saturday. We weren’t this tired because we were well into our 30’s. We could have made a great case for ourselves if so. No, this was the work of parenting.
We are honored to be speaking at The 7 Rings Of Marriage Online Summit with Jackie and Stephana Bledsoe, happening January 12-19, 2016. The great news? It’s entirely online. Click below to join and receive email notifications for each session of the summit…
My wife and I have stayed together through good times and bad. But it hasn’t been easy. There have been many times over the past 16 years when we felt like giving up. We didn’t though. We kept going and that helped us grow. A commitment to a few simple steps also helped!
That’s the word I would use to describe our life together. As you know, adventure is filled with mountain top highs, and valley low moments. We believe that each make us better people and better spouses. We’ve been fortunate to have had both. That may catch you by surprise. You may find yourself asking, “How could you use the word fortunate to describe the difficult moments of life?”
Let’s be honest. Marriage isn’t easy. Whenever you bring two individual human beings with their own personalities, hang-ups, and idiosyncrasies into a relationship, bombs are going to detonate. Really, there’s no way to avoid this entirely. But there are some steps you can take to reduce their frequency and find peace.
I was hearing my wife, but not really listening to her. I could have used the high demands of my job, how tired I was, or all of the stuff I still had to get done as an excuse. It was no use. At the end of the day, it was completely my fault.
I had been leaving early in the morning, spending 8 hours at my office, then coming home and pulling out my laptop to write nearly every day for several weeks. My wife was taking care of our home, getting our children ready for school, planning meals, keeping up with laundry, running to IEP and doctor’s appointments, then ending her day helping our children with the abundance of homework they were each assigned.