Let’s be honest. Marriage isn’t easy. Whenever you bring two individual human beings with their own personalities, hang-ups, and idiosyncrasies into a relationship, bombs are going to detonate. Really, there’s no way to avoid this entirely. But there are some steps you can take to reduce their frequency and find peace.
I was hearing my wife, but not really listening to her. I could have used the high demands of my job, how tired I was, or all of the stuff I still had to get done as an excuse. It was no use. At the end of the day, it was completely my fault.
I had been leaving early in the morning, spending 8 hours at my office, then coming home and pulling out my laptop to write nearly every day for several weeks. My wife was taking care of our home, getting our children ready for school, planning meals, keeping up with laundry, running to IEP and doctor’s appointments, then ending her day helping our children with the abundance of homework they were each assigned.
It may seem obvious, but all-too often, we isolate our marriage issues, believing they’re only impacting us. But there’s something greater at stake. The health and happiness of our children hangs in the balance.
Kristin and I were born to fight. We are both first children with lion personalities and extremely driven to succeed. There’s rarely a time that we’ve been completely defeated by the trials and storms of life. Even when we’re battered, and exhausted, we pick ourselves up and keep moving forward.
Is there anyway to truly have a happy marriage? I believe there is. It’s found in the simple act of serving your spouse. There are some big rewards when you do this.
In past posts and articles on marriage I have been quite frank- a healthy marriage comes from intentionally choosing to serve your spouse and put his or her needs above your own. I make no apologies about this, nor do I add anything to it, such as an exception or disclaimer.
: This is a guest post by our good friend, and fellow blogger Joel Phillips. Joel blogs regularly at Buildrelationalwealth.com
as is the author of the book Building Relational Wealth: A Personal Training Guide
. Make sure you check out his Facebook
page and follow him on Twitter
Do you carry around something that you feel terrible about? Maybe you weren’t there for your child at a particular important event. I have that.
Maybe you feel like your child was robbed of a “normal” family life because of your divorce, or that your marriage isn’t healthy. I have that one too. As a parent who has been through the trauma of divorce, I have carried a lot of guilt. It’s understandable. But the unnecessary weight of guilt can cripple my effective parenting.
When you take two separate individuals, from different backgrounds and family origins, and place them under the same roof, there’s going to be friction. But it’s also a chance for something beautiful and unique to grow and flourish. We love this picture quote on marriage from platform expert and professional blogger, Michael Hyatt.
As I was scurrying through the airport in San Diego, California yesterday, on my way to the conference I was speaking at this week, something caught my eye on Facebook and made my heart melt. In a moment I was humbled and grateful for the family God has blessed me with!
In the late 90’s a movie came out called As Good As It Gets, starring Jack Nicolson and Helen Hunt. You may remember this film. It was in a lineup of blockbuster hits in 1997. The movie garnered an array of Golden Globe and Academy Award nominations that year. It was one of my favorite films then and still is to this day.
Marriage is hard. Anyone who has been married for any amount of time will testify to this. When you mix two individuals, from two different backgrounds, two different households, who have, at times, two very different perspectives, you’ll face conflict to some degree.
It’s to be expected. In fact, it’s normal. Marriage, like any other institution on planet earth, is far from perfect. In-spite of the imperfections of my marriage, and yours, there’s a big question I’ve been asking myself lately. It’s really a question for any married man (or woman) to ask themselves. Ready? Okay, here goes: Are you a teachable spouse? I know, not your typical marriage question. Those are usually along the lines of “Are you faithful?” “How committed are you?” or “Are you in-tuned to one another’s needs and wants as a couple?” Blah, blah, blah!
Marriage rarely begins in crisis. There are exceptions to this but it’s certainly not the rule. Marital problems usually start off small and almost undetected. If left alone, however, they could grow into a full-blown crisis. How do you determine whether your marriage is in this state or not?
I stood in our backyard frustrated, angry, and glaring through the window at my wife. We were on separate pages and the outlook was bleak. It was year 5 of being married and things were unraveling fast. Mind you, this didn’t drop on us like a bomb. It was more like a slow trickle that gradually, over time, eroded the ground of our marriage away. We had work to do and we needed to start immediately.