“Is There Anyone Out There Who Understands The Foster And Adoptive Journey?”

Over the past year or so, we’ve received hundreds of emails from people who have the same heart cry- “Is there anyone out there who understands….who won’t judge….who can walk with me?”

Concept of a man follows the right way

I could feel her emotions through each word she typed in her email to me. She explained how she had adopted, with a full heart, a sibling group of 3 from foster care 7 years earlier. Everything seemed normal with both of them. The little girl, only 2 years old, was loving, and kind, and the oldest boy, while a bit rough and tumble, was starting to look like a leader among his siblings at only 6. The middle child, also a boy, was quiet, and introspective, but nothing concerned this loving mother too much. She went through with their adoption and they had found a forever home.

And then suddenly, as if someone turned a light switch on, everything changed. When her oldest son reached 13, he began to act out in very aggressive and dangerous ways. She began to feel like a prisoner in her own home and his behavior was traumatizing his younger two siblings. Her daughter began wetting herself during the day at school, and just about every night while she slept. She would melt down at the slightest thing. Her middle son began drawing pictures of death, and extreme violence, and wouldn’t talk to anyone. He would talk about dying and wanting to kill people at only 10. She was in a crisis.

While she sought out the help her children needed (and an eventual diagnosis of FASD for her oldest son), she herself fell into a deep state of isolation and despair. She was lonely. She was exhausted. She was regretting her decision to adopt. She needed help. The last line of her email said it all…. “Is there anyone out there who can just, walk with me. Listen to me? Mentor me? Could I just get on the phone and talk to you for a minute?

I’m willing to bet, you have had those isolating feelings at one time or another too. Maybe it hasn’t been as bad as this mother’s experience, or maybe it’s been worse. Whatever the case, you’ve felt like a prisoner. You’ve longed for a mentor, a friend, or just another person in this trench, to walk with you, pour into you, and help you. After all, it’s what we all need, whether we are a foster and adoptive parent or not.

I did end up getting on a video conference call with her over Zoom a few weeks after she sent me that email. We talked for an hour. I encouraged her and helped her as best I could. My heart broke in two for her and her precious children. Lord knows, we’ve been in the same place with our oldest son as she was with hers. Later on, after I had ended the call with her, I began to think- Foster and adoptive parents need this. We need mentors. We need someone we can reach out to just to talk, or in a moment of crisis. 

Wouldn’t it be amazing to reach out over email and find a person who could mentor you, walk with you on this journey, and support you when you needed it the most?

If you’ve thought this a time or two, like I have, there’s good news. We just opened up enrollment for our brand new support and resource site, Oasis Community. It is the answer to that mother’s question and so many like it! Finally there is something in the online space that provides in-depth resources, connection to others on the journey, and the support and mentorship you and I need on this journey! We do this several ways…

  1. Real-time support with people just like you. Oasis has a team of people who are committed to supporting and mentoring you when you need it the most. They are available to connect with you over online chat, or through video conferencing.
  2. Monthly video resources with world-renowned experts. Imagine you could sit at the feet of experts in trauma, FASDs, healthy attachment and bonding, and learn from them. That’s what our video resources provide.
  3. Connection to others on the journey. Through our community forum, we provide an exclusive place where you can pose questions, get feedback, and interact with others on the same journey as you.
  4. On-going resources that are applicable to the issues and struggles we face. We’ve included a robust resource page that we are adding content to every single day. The resources help to equip you but also encourage you as you work to love and lead your children.

Bottom line is this: you don’t have to live in isolation anymore. Oasis Community is the answer to your biggest questions on this journey. And, it’s available now. If you’ve been asking the same question as this mother did of me over email a while back, then join Oasis today. I have to warn you though- because our desire for Oasis Community is to make it a tight-knit community of like-minded people, enrollment won’t be open for long. We’re closing everything down THIS Saturday, November 18th at 11:59pm

Join Oasis Community Today!

Question: Do you need support? Need a mentor on the journey? Have a question about Oasis? Or just want to share some thoughts? Leave us a comment in the comment section below. You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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  • Ellen Sanchez

    Remember a long time ago, it seems like a long time ago, you had an expert re FASD on and we got to submit questions for him? I was the one that asked about needing a “notarized statement” (basically kidding) from the birth mom that she drank during pregnancy in order to get a FASD/ARND diagnosis. Adopting a child out of foster care doesn’t always provide much, if any, family history. My son is 19yo now, we’ve been through hell several times, we’re in a stable stage right now, feels great, really enjoying this young man I never thought would or could exist! I’d still like to know though, did she drink for sure, for sure. He has the diagnosis of static encephalopathy (irreversible brain damage likely from prenatal exposure of alcohol), would you advise pursuing more? For future benefits.

    To join Oasis and be able to chat with experts, parents in the same boat, know ing I’m not alone, how great is this? Parenting an adopted special needs more than likely FAS child is so lonely, isolating. Thank you for joining us together.

    • I do remember that! I would advise pursuing a diagnosis of FASD or ARND because it will greatly help with an IEP in school. Within Oasis we have state by state resource guides that will help you find a clinic that diagnoses. 🙂