My Daughter Has Her Birth Mother’s Eyes.

Yesterday we took our daughter to meet her birth mother for the first time in her (almost) 15 years of life. We were all nervous, anxious, and excited. But I had no idea I would be moved to tears.

Coffee cup on the table in coffee shop

The wind was whipping down the corridors of buildings along 16th street in downtown Indianapolis. Although the sun was shining bright, it was cold. A typical late December day in Indiana. I eased the car into a spot across the street from the vintage coffee shop we were meeting in, turned the ignition off, and turned to look at my daughter sitting quietly in the back seat. She smiled at me. Kristin suggested we pray before going in, and so we did.

The three of us walked, hand in hand, talking and laughing along the street before crossing and making our way into the coffee shop. This is one of our favorite places to frequent in the city. Their chai lattes are to die for, not to mention their scones and muffins. We were so hungry we could have ordered everything on the menu. A moment later, we met our daughter’s birth mother for the first time.

We hugged and said hello, then turned to order up. For a moment, time stood still.

As we made our way to a table in the corner of the shop, we sat down together and began to talk cordially. Our conversation flowed freely. There was no fear, no apprehension, just commonality. As she shared bits and pieces of her life for the past 15 years, I listened intently, looking her in the eye and capturing every word she spoke. Suddenly, I was struck by something…

“She and my daughter have the same eyes,” I thought to myself.

My heart was moved. I suddenly found myself choking back tears as the thought consumed me. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of all of this. The realness of that moment, the humanity of adoption, overtook me like a tidal wave. “How amazing is that?” I whispered in my mind.

Adoption has always been a beautiful thing to me. But yesterday, it became more beautiful to me than ever before. I saw the humanity behind it. I saw the love and sacrifice that are both a part of it. I witnessed the power and the personal sitting right before me. We could have sat in that coffee shop all day long laughing, talking, reminiscing, and catching up.

Unfortunately, our world misunderstands adoption, and there are many who vilify birth mothers, or birth families. They draw a harsh conclusion based on off-handed judgements, or assumptions, that just aren’t fair. I wish I could capture, for a moment, a snapshot of our time yesterday and share it with the world. I wish I could show it to those who have so wrongly defined adoption for so long.

Nearly fifteen years ago, this precious woman gave us the greatest gift of all. She made us parents for the first time. She gave us our daughter. We are eternally grateful to her for that. We celebrate her beautiful life and the life of our little girl. We give thanks for this new found relationship we have and we look forward to the future. We marvel at the beauty of adoption.

And you better believe we get all choked up as we think about our daughter having her birth mother’s eyes.

Question: Have you met your child’s birth parent? Share your story with us. You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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  • i love that. My daughter looks a lot like her first mommy, as we call her. She looks a little like her first daddy, too. I love seeing the similarities in her face. She is so beautiful to me! I have never met her first mommy, but maybe one day I will. I hope it’s as sweet a meeting as you all had yesterday.

    • Hey Sarah, thanks for sharing. We hope the same for you. Blessings on you as we enter a New Year!

  • Suzanne H Stack

    We adopted our little girl whom we fostered first from the time she was 6 months old, so we met her birth mom and dad right away with a weekly visitation. We had no idea that God had it already in his plans for us to adopt her and parent for a second time around. We worked with her birth parents for 12 months encouraging them to work hard in order to get her back home. This was not our first time in foster care and co parenting, for this little girl was #12 child we had loved, and nurtured and prayed for. Anyway after 12 months her birth parents knew that they could not handle all her medical needs and signed their rights away. We knew that God was priming us to keep this little girl, so with our older daughters agreement to be her legal guardians , we proceeded and adopted her and she became our 3rd daughter on November 1st 2011. She is now 7 years old and the joy of our lives, so now in our 60’s we are parenting again and grandparents of 4. By the way, our daughters are 40, 38 and 7. And, yes we are still fostering. We currently have #20 a 2 and 1/2 year old boy that we have had since he was 2 months old. We have always told our daughter she was adopted and when she gets older, we will be with her to meet her birth parents if she chooses to. We will always be grateful that God asked us to be her parents , but will always be aware that her birth mom gave us a wonderful gift!

    • Hey Suzanne, you have an amazing story. Wow! Thanks so much for sharing this. We love hearing stories like this. 😉

      • Suzanne H Stack

        Thank you, for sure we never have a dull moment in this house. Our hearts are full and blessed beyond measure! Happy New Years

  • Our son has his birth Mother’s eyes as well. We are so lucky to have been given the chance to meet members of his birth family. Beautiful story, thanks for sharing!

    • You are most welcome! It;s my pleasure.

  • Ann Young

    It was beautiful to read about this meeting. Thank you for writing about it.
    Every day I see my daughter’s first mom’s eyes looking back at me and I marvel. I love that she looks like her first mom because it constantly reminds me of the story that we’ve walked with that family (through foster care). Our journeys have been unique, painful and exceptional …and the echo of our daughter’s genetic history is living proof of that.

    • Ann, this is such a beautiful comment. Thanks for sharing. Love how you put your experience into words.

  • Rachael M.

    We met our two adopted daughters’ maternal grandmother yesterday for the first time. Our girls are 7 and 10, adopted through the foster system three years ago. When we met their birth mother about two years ago, the girls were very emotional and while that visit went well, it was really intense for us all. This visit with their grandmother went very well and both girls really enjoyed seeing her. However, I struggled to have sympathy for her. She was one of the people responsible for the girls being in unsafe circumstances that led to their being in the system. I’m not quite sure if it’s me being a mama bear and being protective of them or what, but I mostly sat there feeling angry. I didn’t feel that way when meeting their birth mother – I felt much more sympathy. Their birth mother expressed accountability, which their grandmother never has, quite the opposite. Regardless, we know how important both women are to our daughters and will help maintain those relationships as best we can. It’s amazing how many twists and turns this journey brings – and surprising emotions along the way!

    • Rachael, I am so glad to hear this. What an amazing blessing. Thanks so much for sharing.

  • Aplaceforme

    My husband and I together have 1 child and 1 from my previous marriage.
    My oldest is 29 with Autism, Epilepsy and I.T.P. 24/7 care. And a 25 yr. old son we have together.
    In the 27 yrs we’ve been together we have taken in I think….47-48? Children and young adults that came from broken homes or drug and alcohol abuse. We had a VERY small home. And at one time we had 9 including our 2 at once. This was not foster care or any kind of program. By word of mouth, 3 would show up stay for 2/3 years we’d get mom or dad on their feet….1 more would show up.
    Over the years it just became a way of life. We had sold our business and my husband was starting a new job it was the next day he was starting. My husband had fallen and broken both legs on an ice patch. After months in recovery, he had just started to walk. During which time I decided to have a little cyst removed. I figured we’re already down… keep in mind, we had no insurance, no money ( our “nest egg” was all gone from the bills piled up from the fall. So the dr wanted to get a picture to remove the cyst, and compare breasts. It was free testing. So okay fine. Well they came back and asked for more tests. Okay….. Then they pulled me in and proceeded to tell me I had cancer. I looked right at this sweet little woman and I smiled…. I said it’s okay sweetie, I don’t have cancer….you want me to tell you why? I said God is in control, he only gives us as much as we can HANDLE… We are broke, no we are beyond broke… son needs 24/7 care, his 17 yr old brother is going to school and taking care of his brother and a household for 5 months because my husband broke his legs and we couldn’t get him in and out of our house. No, no, no…..I don’t have cancer. She was like….okay. Welllllll, let me tell YoU what you DONT DO……You do NoT tell the Good Lord, What you can and can’t handle…….Because HE willllll show YOU what your made of!!!!! Love s more to that story about what God did for us! Anyway When it was all said and done….We made it through and my husband asked, what do you wanna do????? I said I want to adopt. We met our adopted daughters mother before she was born. We had been praying and praying to become patents AGAIN…. for about three years. We had gone through the state to become licensed to provide foster care, hoping that maybe it could lead to a permanent adoption. Three years later there was No placement. We had bought our local restaurant back, and one afternoon my husband called me. Hun there is a woman here, who wants to know if we would be interested in adopting her baby, she is pregnant. Ahhhhhhhh, Shut up!
    I couldn’t get dressed ….I was standing in front of my dresser. I couldn’t find clothes, I didn’t know where they were. LoL I was a mess…. I looked like the cleaning lady after a week of work. It was scary. I walked in and saw this Gorgeous woman long beautiful brown hair, amazing blur eyes.