The Reasons Why “I Gotta Be So Rude!”

As the father of four girls, I have an expectation for any suitor who will one day desire to marry my girls. So when I heard Magic’s song “Rude,” I couldn’t resist writing a response. If for nothing else, the song drives me crazy. But simply, the song is a gross display of disrespect and disregard by a young man who supposedly is too blinded by love to take “no” for an answer!

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Dear Magic (aka- Nazri, Mark, Ben and Alex)-

I have to commend you. You start off on the right foot. You recognize that I’m old-fashioned and desire for any boy interested in my girl’s hand in marriage, to come to me respectfully and ask me first. Well done on that decision. Again…commended.

But your respect is conditional. That’s your first problem. When you received ‘no’ for an answer, most likely due to the fact that your arrogance, lousy attitude, and self-absorption preceded you, you launch into a series of questions instead of showing continual respect. You inquired as to why I am so “rude” and then, why I have failed to recognize your humanity.

Allow me to answer each.

While you consider my blunt response to be rude, it’s actually years of nurturing, love, and protection speaking. She’s my baby. She’s never stopped being that from the day she was born until now. Remember, I have wiped away buckets of tears, kissed thousands of boo boos, spent countless hours holding her when the world turned cold on her, and guided her through life’s ups and downs. You’ve been on the scene for all of a brief (and quite possibly fleeting) season of her life.

You know her simply because you’re infatuated with her. I’ll give you that one sir- she’s gorgeous. But her heart makes her this way, not her body, or the way she bats her eyes at you. Judging by your attitude, you’ve probably had many other girls do this to you.

I’m rude because you lack all respect for my wishes. Instead of taking no for an answer, and then working to win me over, you immediately launch into a war against me for my daughter’s affection. You may win a battle here or there, but I assure you- I will win the war! I’ve been fighting in this war since the moment she took her first breath.

As to your plea with me to recognize that you’re human: I certainly do. I care for all humans and believe they all are valuable and have meaning.

Your humanity, however, is overshadowed by your entitlement. You think that just because you are “in love” with my little girl, and that you believe your love is genuine, that I am automatically supposed to give in and let you whisk her away as your bride? Not the case my friend. You are no more entitled to my daughter’s heart and hand than I am entitled to time on the senate floor because I elected some of them to their positions. Again, you have missed the point! Instead of taking the answer I give, and working to win me over, you are driven to take what you believe is yours! For the sake of pure relationships, please go away….now!

Sorry son, but my reasons are my reasons, and these are the reasons I have to be, as you call it, rude! My answer’s not changing until your attitude does. From the looks of it, that will be a very long time!

Oh, and by the way, if you decide, as you not-so-eloquently put it in the song, to “marry that girl anyway,” please note a few important truths:

  1. My father (her grandfather) is an expert marksmen who keeps his home stocked with weapons which are loaded for bear all the time. He also lives on several acres of land in a rural part of Ohio. Perfect ground for hiding a body that may never be found if you ask me! 🙂
  2. Her brother-in-law (who respectfully came to her mother and I and asked for her sister’s hand in marriage) works in a juvenile corrections facility in the inner city. He knows how to deal with punk losers like you on any day of the week. Oh, and did I mention that her sister also has a permit to carry?
  3. All of my daughter’s uncles could be rounded up at a moment’s notice, to dress like ninjas, and join a vigilant cause such as rescuing their niece whom they all love. And none of them are opposed to jail time!
  4. My wife (her mother) drives a 12-passenger van that weighs in around 6500 lbs. While she continually drives this peacefully through the neighborhoods daily, she is not opposed to use this as a vehicle to hunt down losers. She is also not opposed to jail time. 

If you are feeling threatened right now, I can assure you- your feelings are accurate. Please do yourself, and your own health and well-being a favor and stay far away from my daughter! 

Sincerely,
Her Loving Father

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