What Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

The Honestly Adoption Podcast - Season 7, Episode 65

Woo Hoo! Fall 2017 enrollment is open now at Oasis Community!  In celebration, we are excited to share another one of our favorite Oasis “Backstage Pass” interviews from this past year.

An adoptee herself, Sherrie Eldridge has a passion for helping adoptive parents understand, and respond empathetically to, the unique emotional needs of their children.  You will be encouraged as Sherrie shares her story with Mike, and reflects on the journey she has taken to get where she is today.

Listen Now:

Play

Notes and Quotes:

“I was a real challenge to my parents.  I struggled with school…I had attachment disorder…I had a lot of anger toward my mom…much more anger than my friends did…my mother called me a “wild child”…I was a little bit hard to regulate.”

What would you want adoptive parents to know?

“I suffered a profound loss and you can’t fix me.”

It is like a smoke alarm going off in your child’s head.  This “smoke alarm” is from the loss and trauma.  Parents can help their children learn to turn off this smoke alarm and free themselves from the shame and grief.

Trauma Triggers
  • rejection complex
  • loss
  • unregulated emotions
  • grief/sadness
  • hypervigilance
  • shame based identity “I am a mistake.”
  • embarrasment
  • addictions
  • searching for a face that looks like mine
  • feeling powerless
Four Simple Steps to Work Through Loss and Experience Growth
  1. Name the emotion or behavior – “I see that you feel …”
  2. Validate it (no matter how crazy it seems) – “I can see that is…”
  3. Give regulating words – “Something painful happened…”
  4. Bring them to the present – “But now…”

“Being with fellow adoptees is better than years of therapy.”

It is important for adoptive parents to find community as well and to take care of themselves.

This is a life-long journey.

Adoptees have “emotional vulnerabilities.”  Parents need to speak the truth, study their children, learn their special needs, talk with their child about these things.  This will build trust and help your child know you are their number one cheerleader.

“God is Sovereign and He knows every single day of your life and your child’s life, before they ever came to be.  Your child’s life is not a mistake.  The adoption is not a mistake.  Press on! God sees. God knows. He is right there beside you, and He will give you exactly what you need.” -Sherrie Eldridge

Resources and Links:

Sherrie Eldridge is an international speaker and established author within the adoptive community.  In 2010, she was named as Indiana’s Congressional Angel of Adoption. Sherrie is the author of several books, including the best-selling, “Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish their Adoptive Parents Knew.” These books, as well as her blog and other resources, can be found at sherrieeldridge.com or on Amazon.

If you loved this interview, you can have access to all of our past, and future, monthly “Backstage Pass” interviews by joining Oasis Community. Enrollment is open now!  We’re giving our Honestly Adoption Podcast listeners special access for just $5 (first month enrollment). Click on over to the Honestly Adoption Podcast Resource Page for details on how to take advantage of this offer!

Also, mentioned in this interview, check out this post from Mike Berry, “3 Reasons why Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work with Kids from Trauma.”

Question: Got any questions for us about the topic of this show, or Oasis Community? Leave them in the comment section below this post. You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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