[Updated] 11 Reasons Why Parents Are The Sleepiest People On The Planet.

My wife said it best the other day- “I haven’t slept in 100 years.” She actually meant 11, but who am I to correct her? She’s right. If my last calculations are correct I would have to say we are somewhere between 7 and 10 years behind on sleep. I think we stopped counting when our first born was screaming for the second month in a row at 3 am. That was nearly 12 years ago!

Photo courtesy of istockphoto.com

Photo courtesy of istockphoto.com

If you’re “amen-ing” this post right now, you’re part of the elite. You’re a member of a rare and desperate society known only as the “I-haven’t-gotten-a-full-night’s-rest-in-so-long-my-spouse-would-probably-think-I-died-in-my-sleep-if-I-slept-longer-than-5-hours” club. There’s no ribbon or trophy awarded when you join. There’s only the joy of knowing that the little ones responsible for your sleep deprivation have school lunches packed, laundry folded and put away, and a working rain forest display complete with actual rain-producing clouds ready for the science fair the next day!

If your amen’s have transformed into hallelujah’s then it’s official: you’re a parent. You wear that permanent chocolate-stained sweater like a bloody football jersey into the game of your life! If you had a dollar for every time you yawned you’d be able to pay off the national debt. This post is for you! (Note- I will keep it brief in the event that you nod off while reading… :-))

Here are 11 (yes, it’s now 11. It used to be 10, but who am I kidding? There’s really a trillion!) reasons why you and I are the sleepiest people on the planet:

Reason #1-

We have the pleasure of seeing 3 o’clock twice in a 24-hour period.

Reason #2-

As we see 2, 3, or 4 am consistently, we also have the pleasure of hearing our name spoken less than an inch from our ear repeatedly.

Reason #3-

We are privileged to special information in the middle of the night such as “I had a bad dream,” or “I’m wet,” or “I want peanut butter and jelly for lunch tomorrow instead of a mayonnaise sandwich!”

Reason #4-

We get asked mondo-important questions in the middle of the night such as “when is wake up time?” or “what’s for breakfast?” or “what time is my field trip tomorrow?”

Reason #5-

We have the distinct pleasure of repeating ourselves 400 times in an 8-hour period.

Reason #6-

There’s nothing more awesome than having our potty-trained kid willingly poop in his pants because he was too busy playing outside to use the bathroom.

Reason #7-

A mountain of laundry…. need I say more?

Reason #8-

We hear the infamous statement- “Mommy, I forgot…I need 4 dozen cookies for my class party tomorrow!”

Reason #9-

In our “down-time” we get to referee fights over world-shaping issues such as “he smiled at me,” or “it’s my turn to play on the iPad,” or “mommy, he called me a poopy head!” (yes, that’s the most insulting name anyone has ever called anyone else!)

Reason #10-

We’ll spend 350 days out of our year as a taxi driver, carting our children to and from every known activity under the sun! 

And for the grand finale…. Reason #11- 

We get to experience the awesomeness of hearing our son (who’s grounded for an entire day for kicking his teacher) moan like a dying animal at 6 am after being told that “yes, an all day grounding in fact means, all day!”

There you have it. We’re parents by choice but tired by…..well…..never mind! We’re just tired. We’re potentially years or even decades behind on sleep. We’re the few, the proud! If you haven’t nodded off by now because you were awakened all night long over bad dreams conjured up by Scooby-Doo or pee-soaked beds, then let me just say- you’re the best! As hard as it might be to believe, you really are making a difference….one screaming, unhappy, diaper-soiled, sassy-mouthed, entitled child at a time!

Question: Anything else leaving you completely exhausted in your parenting role? I’d love to hear your additions to this post. You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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