Thoughts On Adoption From A Transracial Adoptee

The Honestly Adoption Podcast- LEADING VOICES SPOTLIGHT- Season 14, Episode 118

One of the greatest resources for us as adoptive and foster parents is adoptees, and adoptee’s voices. We are fortunate to partner with many adoptees from all ages and walks of life. We have learned so much from them, and will continue to do so. On the latest episode of The Honestly Adoption Podcast we are pleased to welcome transracial adoptee and advocate, Torie DiMartile.

Torie is a transracial adoptee on a lifelong journey toward an integrated and celebrated racial identity. She grew up one of two biracial African American/Caucasian children in a white Italian-American home in Kentucky. From multicultural bedtime stories, to the 1% ‘of color’ at her independent high school, navigating life as a biracial adoptee has taken varying degrees of emotional investment and energy throughout her life. She is a blogger and thought-leader at Wreckage & Wonder. On today’s episode she gives valuable insight and understanding into the transracial adoption journey and what we can do, as parents, to better care for, and lead, our children. Listen to the episode now…

When You Still Have to Parent Adult Children

This is a guest post from Melissa Corkum. Melissa is a parent and wellness coach helping parents move from chaos to calm and confidence. She is an adult adoptee and married to Patrick. They live in Maryland and are parents to 6 kids by birth and adoption and soon-to-be grandparents. She writes at thecorkboardonline.com and is the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a resource site and podcast for adoptive and foster families.

It’s a reality that many of us on the adoption journey will face. We will be actively involved in hands on parenting with our adult children in ways most parents will not. How do you face this with hope and a plan?

There’s nothing magical about the age 18. Sure, there are some legal ramifications, but it doesn’t get us off the hook as parents.
Research shows that brains aren’t even fully developed until 25 or 30. For our kids who experienced trauma early in life, this may take even a few more years. I can feel you starting to hyperventilate. You’re probably imagining your child at 30, on your basement sofa, surrounded by Doritos bags, eyes glazed over from 20 straight hours of video games.

Take a few deep breaths.

As with all other parenting, the sweet spot for parenting adult children needs high structure along with high nurture. There needs to be healthy boundaries in place, but also compassion that kids from trauma may need extra support and time to launch into a more independent life.