If there’s one thing that pays the price the most in foster care (or adoption), it’s the health of your marriage. How do you maintain the most important relationship you have and care for the children who have been placed in your home?
We stood on opposite ends of our kitchen staring at one another, tired, defeated, and barely awake. The sad part? It was 8pm on a Saturday. We weren’t this tired because we were well into our 30’s. We could have made a great case for ourselves if so. No, this was the work of parenting.
We are honored to be speaking at The 7 Rings Of Marriage Online Summit with Jackie and Stephana Bledsoe, happening January 12-19, 2016. The great news? It’s entirely online. Click below to join and receive email notifications for each session of the summit…
My wife and I have stayed together through good times and bad. But it hasn’t been easy. There have been many times over the past 16 years when we felt like giving up. We didn’t though. We kept going and that helped us grow. A commitment to a few simple steps also helped!
That’s the word I would use to describe our life together. As you know, adventure is filled with mountain top highs, and valley low moments. We believe that each make us better people and better spouses. We’ve been fortunate to have had both. That may catch you by surprise. You may find yourself asking, “How could you use the word fortunate to describe the difficult moments of life?”
Let’s be honest. Marriage isn’t easy. Whenever you bring two individual human beings with their own personalities, hang-ups, and idiosyncrasies into a relationship, bombs are going to detonate. Really, there’s no way to avoid this entirely. But there are some steps you can take to reduce their frequency and find peace.
I was hearing my wife, but not really listening to her. I could have used the high demands of my job, how tired I was, or all of the stuff I still had to get done as an excuse. It was no use. At the end of the day, it was completely my fault.
I had been leaving early in the morning, spending 8 hours at my office, then coming home and pulling out my laptop to write nearly every day for several weeks. My wife was taking care of our home, getting our children ready for school, planning meals, keeping up with laundry, running to IEP and doctor’s appointments, then ending her day helping our children with the abundance of homework they were each assigned.
It may seem obvious, but all-too often, we isolate our marriage issues, believing they’re only impacting us. But there’s something greater at stake. The health and happiness of our children hangs in the balance.
Kristin and I were born to fight. We are both first children with lion personalities and extremely driven to succeed. There’s rarely a time that we’ve been completely defeated by the trials and storms of life. Even when we’re battered, and exhausted, we pick ourselves up and keep moving forward.
Is there anyway to truly have a happy marriage? I believe there is. It’s found in the simple act of serving your spouse. There are some big rewards when you do this.
In past posts and articles on marriage I have been quite frank- a healthy marriage comes from intentionally choosing to serve your spouse and put his or her needs above your own. I make no apologies about this, nor do I add anything to it, such as an exception or disclaimer.
: This is a guest post by our good friend, and fellow blogger Joel Phillips. Joel blogs regularly at Buildrelationalwealth.com
as is the author of the book Building Relational Wealth: A Personal Training Guide
. Make sure you check out his Facebook
page and follow him on Twitter
Do you carry around something that you feel terrible about? Maybe you weren’t there for your child at a particular important event. I have that.
Maybe you feel like your child was robbed of a “normal” family life because of your divorce, or that your marriage isn’t healthy. I have that one too. As a parent who has been through the trauma of divorce, I have carried a lot of guilt. It’s understandable. But the unnecessary weight of guilt can cripple my effective parenting.
When you take two separate individuals, from different backgrounds and family origins, and place them under the same roof, there’s going to be friction. But it’s also a chance for something beautiful and unique to grow and flourish. We love this picture quote on marriage from platform expert and professional blogger, Michael Hyatt.