How To Find Therapy For The Caregiver

The children we care for may need to spend time every week seeing a therapist to help them process their trauma history. This is a good thing. However, it begs the question…what about you? The caregiver? What if you need therapy to? How do you find this?

I believe deeply in the importance of therapy for children who have experienced trauma. My children have had some of the most amazing counselors over the years who have gone out of their way to support not only my children but my entire family.

Is It Disobedience Or A Teenager Being A Teenager?

The Honestly Adoption Podcast- Season 13, Episode 110

In our latest episode of The Honestly Adoption Podcast, we conclude our series, Is It Disobedience Or Something Else, by talking about teenagers…

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Fostering, adopting, or even simply parenting teenagers is no small task and it’s certainly not for the faint of heart. It’s challenging. But when you consider the reality of trauma histories, and how they determine present behavior, the question must be asked- “Is this a teenager being a teenager, or is there something else going on here?” That’s the question we answer in this episode of the podcast. Listen in now…

The Ultimate Need Of Every Adoptive Family

We are often asked what we need, or how someone can help our family. While these questions are always appreciated, the answer may surprise you.

We did it again. Another trip to grandparent’s house for the summer. Me and 4 kids on a long plane ride. As expected, it was not without incident. The return flight is always more laden with anxiety, exhaustion and nothing to look forward to so any ability we had to hold it together, is now gone. The kids ran off the plane before me as I struggled with the carry-on luggage. Immediately upon walking through the gate at our layover city, a stranger approached me and informed me she had just pulled one child off of the other. I replied with a quick, “thanks” and I tried to avoid eye contact with the hundreds of gawkers as our multi-racial family walked on (as if nothing happened) and made our way to the next gate.

Why Is My Child’s Behavior Prickly?

When our child’s behavior becomes off-putting, or prickly, it’s often hard to remember that it’s an indication of something bigger going on with them. Remembering this, however, can change how we approach our children…

Blackberries are ripening in Indiana. The warm, rainy summer has left our crop of berries abundant. Behind our barn on the east side of our property the blackberry bushes grow wild, twisting and climbing, weaving their way over old tree stumps and hiding the fresh fruit behind tall weeds. I love to grab a large bowl from the kitchen and make my way behind the barn to pick the dark purple berries. I reach gingerly past the thorns delicately pulling the berries free from the vine. By the time I’m finished, the bowl is full, and I head to the kitchen to make dessert. My hands are stained purple and tiny scratches cover my arms, webbed reminders of the delicate and painful work of harvesting this sweet treat.

Is It Disobedience Or Lack Of Sleep?

The Honestly Adoption Podcast- Season 13, Episode 109

We’ve all seen the signs with our children. Rubbing their eyes, irritable, erratic, frustrated, disobedient, you name it. They’re tired. But often, we can mistake lack of sleep for bad behavior. It’s not, but in our busy lives, it’s easy to miss the signs…

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In this latest episode of The Honestly Adoption podcast we walk through signs and symptoms of a lack of sleep. When we parent children with a trauma history, we have to remember that vigilance, and fear, and anxiety can cause them to not sleep. What do we do? How do we respond? Listen to the episode now…

Is It Disobedience Or Triggered Behavior?

The Honestly Adoption Podcast- Season 13, Episode 108

It’s easy for parents who are caring for children with a trauma history to mistake triggered behavior for disobedience. But, when you understand the origin of behavior, your entire perspective changes. Join us for this week’s episode as we discuss this topic…

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Often, when our children are agitated, irritable, or aggressive, we can default to a traditional mindset when it comes to their behavior. We mistake trauma-induced behaviors for selfishness, belligerence, and disobedience. But this comes out of a lack of understanding as to how a child with a trauma history can be triggered. Sights, smells, sounds, activity, and more can cause a child to escalate without us even knowing it. In this latest episode of The Honestly Adoption podcast, we not only walk through the signs of triggered behavior, but also how to respond. Listen to the episode now

When You Still Have to Parent Adult Children

This is a guest post from Melissa Corkum. Melissa is a parent and wellness coach helping parents move from chaos to calm and confidence. She is an adult adoptee and married to Patrick. They live in Maryland and are parents to 6 kids by birth and adoption and soon-to-be grandparents. She writes at thecorkboardonline.com and is the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a resource site and podcast for adoptive and foster families.

It’s a reality that many of us on the adoption journey will face. We will be actively involved in hands on parenting with our adult children in ways most parents will not. How do you face this with hope and a plan?

There’s nothing magical about the age 18. Sure, there are some legal ramifications, but it doesn’t get us off the hook as parents.
Research shows that brains aren’t even fully developed until 25 or 30. For our kids who experienced trauma early in life, this may take even a few more years. I can feel you starting to hyperventilate. You’re probably imagining your child at 30, on your basement sofa, surrounded by Doritos bags, eyes glazed over from 20 straight hours of video games.

Take a few deep breaths.

As with all other parenting, the sweet spot for parenting adult children needs high structure along with high nurture. There needs to be healthy boundaries in place, but also compassion that kids from trauma may need extra support and time to launch into a more independent life.

Is It Disobedience Or Sensory Input Needs?

The Honestly Adoption Podcast- Season 13, Episode 107

In our latest episode of The Honestly Adoption Podcast we answer the question, “Is it disobedience or sensory input needs?” Watch below now on YouTube or download the audio…

We often confuse the need for sensory input for bad behaviors, or a child who just can’t settle down. But for children who have a trauma history, and have lost control of that area of their life, there is a deep need for comfort and security that they do not know how to articulate. So, it comes out through behaviors. In today’s episode we discuss strategies to help your child receive the sensory input he, or she, needs. Listen to the episode now…