How To Comfort A Child Who Doesn’t Want Connection

Our parenting instinct is to comfort, console, and care for our children when they are hurt, or feeling sad. But what do you do when your child pushes you away instead of letting you connect? It’s tricky, but here’s our advice…

I had just finished a stack of paperwork for my sons’ new school. Feeling relieved and a little bit cramped from signing my name a thousand times, I walked the envelopes to the end of our long driveway. (Yes, my kids’ school still uses paper and snail mail…rural living.) My son was pushing himself in the wagon toward the street. I turned just in time to see him veer toward the ledge separating the driveway from the grass. He swerved to the right, tipping himself out of the wagon and onto the hot asphalt. My instinct was to run to him. I spotted my husband at the back porch and could see him jump as fast as I did. We met our son just as he crawled out of the grass. Both of us walked toward him with arms outstretched. His dad said, “Oh no, let me see your arm.” I exclaimed, “You’re bleeding, is anything else hurt?” Our son turned away from us in anger, pushing us aside with his good arm and stomped toward the house. Still worried, we followed trying to offer the help of bandaids and ice packs. That’s when we realized, we were offering a consolation that he was not able to receive. 

A little over a year ago, I had the honor of joining together with several other writers, speakers, bloggers, and influencers at Disney’s headquarters in Los Angeles, California. During our time together we were given the opportunity to speak into several projects Disney had recently released. One of those projects was the Dream Big, Princess campaign.

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Don’t Save My Child!

One of the most difficult aspects of being an adoptive or foster parent is that the vast majority of the population around you believes your child is damaged and it’s their responsibility to rescue them. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Photo courtesy of istockphoto.com

Please, for the love of all that is good and Holy, DON’T Save MY Child!

I know, I know- his eyes melt your heart, his cheeks beg to be pinched, her smile is stunning, her story is terrifying. My kids come from difficult places. I know you think you know them. I know you want to save them. I’ve overheard you marvel that they were “unwanted.” I know you think you’re privy to their story because you heard a rumor in the neighborhood.