When Do You Step In And Protect Your Child From Themself?

As parents, one of our jobs is to allow our children to make their own decisions, when they’re old enough. But what do you do when you realize you need to step in and make decisions for them? How do you know when it’s time to protect them from themselves?

I remember hearing an old preacher, a long time ago, talk about granting our kids responsibility when they grew older. “We must arrive to the place in our parenting, and when our children are old enough, where we allow them to stand on their own two feet,” he said, through a crackly voice. 

Why Shaming Your Children For Bad Behavior Isn’t Working!

Chances are, you already know this. So do we. But for some reason, we continue to resort to shaming, thinking we’ll see different results. We won’t. More importantly, we’re causing deeper damage when we do so.

Lonely boy

I get it. I fully understand how we can promise not to anymore, only to slip back into it when our kiddo blows it, and doesn’t seem to care or show emotion. Can I just put your mind at ease with that? I personally struggle with this too. You’re not alone. If nothing else, let the “Me too” of what I just said wash over you like warm water. Considering the fact that you and I are often pushed to the absolute edge (or beyond) by our children’s disorders, attachment issues, severe trauma, or impulsive choices, it makes sense why we would resort to shaming.

How To Fight For The Heart Of Your Children [Podcast]

Season 3, Episode 25- The Honestly Speaking Parenting Podcast

It’s a war that rages in every family, but especially foster and adoptive families. The war for the heart of your children. In a fast-paced, ever-changing world, how do you successfully fight and win this battle?

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In 2014 we went through the ringer with our children. We came face to face with the reality that they were falling apart emotionally, spiritually, even physically. Things needed to change, and fast! But how? As we surveyed the landscape of our family we discovered that we were gridlocked in a war. We faced a real and present enemy who was targeting our family, particularly our children.

Why My Child’s Special Need Makes Me Want To Hide

And How We've Overcome This Tendency!

There are times in parenting children with special needs when embarrassment, humiliation, and shame seem to be part of the landscape. Often, the tendency is to run and hide away from the world. However, we’ve found a better way.

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He was louder than loud and I was withering with every syllable he spoke. I looked at my son with that “please stop” facial expression, but he didn’t notice, nor have a clue how others were perceiving him. Sure, he was only 6. Sure, all children his age tend to miss social cues. But the other children around weren’t shouting inappropriate questions, or pointing at other people.

A Letter From A Mother….

I came across this post as I was searching through my archives and wanted to share it again. My wife wrote this a few years ago to our 22 year old daughter and I shared it last year on this blog. We believe our children are one of the greatest gifts we’ve been given. Even when life is difficult, we love them and believe in them!

The other night our 22-year old daughter came home and my wife and I sat and talked to her for a long while. We listened to her frustrations, we shared some of ours, we talked about wise-choices, we all smiled, laughed a little, loved one another, and even cried a bit. It got me thinking about this post, written by my wife several months ago. It’s a letter she wrote to our daughter after a night like we had a few nights ago. It’s powerful, telling, and most of all, healing!

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Dear Daughter,

I just got off the phone with you and I always feel there is so much more to say. You are doubting your worth. You are confused and uncertain of your purpose. You have a glimpse of how valuable you might be. You are wondering if your circumstances might be holding you back from your potential. You are afraid you don’t have the strength to change.

Oh, if only I could give you more than a glimpse of your worth. If only you could see yourself through the eyes of your dad and me. We marvel at the creation that is you. We are astounded at your strength and resiliency.

Dad and I knew you were something special the first time we met you. You were a quiet 15 year old. You were shy and uncertain. Having just lost your family, you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. Even through your sadness we could see the loving and kind spirit that shown in your eyes. You have a brilliant smile, an exuberant joy and a quiet steadfastness. Over the next 5 years, our observation of your character would prove true time and again.

A couple of weeks ago I told you about that one lone marigold growing out of the pea gravel next to our fire pit. As you know, Dad and I love to plant flowers. Every fall we turn our marigolds over into the soil. In the spring we delight in watching the orange and yellow blooms sprout all over our garden. This spring we noticed with amusement that one of the seeds had been dropped in the middle of a pile of gravel and bloomed. We didn’t have the heart to pluck it, so there it has grown. Out of the hundreds of marigolds that have blossomed this year, that one unique flower, is the strongest and most beautiful of them all.

In your life, you have been carried unwillingly to places that you did not desire to go. You have been planted into circumstances that you did not wish for. However, you have chosen to blossom. You have extended your roots, soaked up life’s nourishment and grown stronger than those around you.
Now you find yourself in a place that may be holding you back…

Do you have strength to change? Yes.

Do you have a life worth changing? Yes.

Do you have a purpose? YES.

How do I know? Simple, God Made You!
I wasn’t there when he knit you together. I wasn’t there when you were born. I wasn’t there when you walked, talked, rode a bike for the first time.  I don’t hold every memory you hold in your heart. I’m sorry I don’t share those things with you. I do share this. I have watched you grow into a young woman. I have seen your kindness. I have felt your love. I have watched you serve others. I have witnessed your humility. I have taken joy in your joy. I have feared for your safety. I have trusted you implicitly. I have shed tears over your sorrow. I have valued every minute of being your mother. I know the depth of your worth. You are worth everything. 
I love you.
Love,
Mom

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