We are so blessed to have our friend, Lisa Qualls, from One Thankful Mom, here today to share with us some of the hardest parts of her story. Hear what she has learned about finding Hope within the grief of losing a child, both as a birth mom and later as an adoptive mom.
Lisa has a unique and varied perspective as both a birth mom, a mom of many, and adoptive and foster mom. She has suffered and learned through many years of parenting children from hard places, including having a child in residential care for a season and has also suffered the sudden loss of a child in a tragic accident. Listen in as Lisa shares with real, raw, honesty and offers empathetic understanding for anyone experiencing great suffering.
Hope. There’s barely another word in the english language that evokes as much emotion as this one. Either you have it, or you don’t. The question is, is there any way to find it when your life is falling apart?
I used to think that I would find hope AFTER I escaped the difficult life circumstances I found myself in. AFTER my child stopped flipping out. AFTER his disorder and behavior held everyone else prisoner. AFTER my daughter moved past her attachment issues and started bonding in a healthy way with our family. AFTER we moved past the season of making long drives down to a visitation center. I became so fixated on the “some day,” that I failed to see the possibility for hope in the here and now. But I’ve learned that you can find hope in the here and now. You can find it in the middle of the wreckage of life. That’s our topic on today’s episode…
Sometimes, as foster and adoptive parents, we’re pushed over the edge and we lose our cool with our children. How do you pick up the pieces and move forward after you’ve failed your children?
It started with a disrespectful look, or so I thought. I had asked my 13-year old daughter to do something she knew was her responsibility and the face she made when I asked her for the 4th time, angered me. It quickly escalated into something greater and it was my fault. Sure, she made the face at me, talked disrespectfully, but it didn’t warrant the hurtful words, or angry outburst that came from me.
Fourteen years ago, when we started the adoption journey, we quickly learned the difference between appropriate and inappropriate questions to ask adoptive parents, and how to respond to a misunderstanding world.
I remember the first time someone used improper terminology in front of me. I was standing in our church lobby, holding my newborn daughter in my arms, and a well-intentioned elderly gentlemen asked if we were going to have any children of our own some day. I smiled and politely replied, “We’re not sure what the future holds but we may have children biologically. We’ll just have to see.”