Can You Really Ever Reach A Place Of Healing?

The answer is yes. Absolutely. You can. But it doesn’t happen in one day, overnight, or even in a year or two. We are wounded humans and we have the task of parenting children who have suffered deep wounds. It takes a lot of time. But healing is achievable. It happens step by step…

When I was a child, I planned to save the world. The whole entire world. In 4th grade, my teacher shared pictures of an ocean filled with plastic bottles and soda straws. I committed to recycle. When I was in 10th grade my ecology teacher warned us of the plight of the timber rattle snake. I promised to care for their habitat. When I was 12 my parents watched a documentary on the orphan crisis in impoverished countries. By the time I was 16, they adopted my youngest brother from Bulgaria. I would never again be unaware of the suffering in the world. I knew without a doubt that I would make a change. 

How To Transition A Child Home After Residential.

In the unfortunate situation that your child has to live away from your home in a residential treatment facility, there will likely be a time when he or she transitions back home. But how do you do this as smooth as possible? We’ve walked this road a few times. Here’s what we’ve learned.

It’s important to note, right here from the start, that we believe in the preservation of family. And we believe in permanency. Children need forever homes. If that’s not with biological families, then it’s with healthy foster or adoptive families. Children need permanency in order to form healthy attachments and bonds that will last a lifetime. With that said, we never advocate that a child go into residential treatment unless their behavior or choices have reached a point of being unsafe for them or unsafe for you and the rest of your family.

How To Provide A Healing Home For Wounded Children

The Honestly Adoption Podcast: Season 8, Episode 73

It’s never easy for a child, who’s been through significant trauma, to step into a home they’re unfamiliar with. Oftentimes, it only deepens their traumatic experience. It might leave you wondering, “Is there any way to provide a healing environment for this child?” The answer is, yes. Here’s why…

You’ve been asking and we listened!  We are thrilled to welcome our good friends, David and Jayne Schooler from Back2Back Ministries, to the show today. They bring valuable insight and in-depth expertise to the discussion. Today we are talking about how to provide a healing home for children who have been deeply wounded.

Listen Now:

How To Keep Your Marriage Healthy Through The Trials Of Foster Care and Adoption.

Season 5, Episode 41- The Honestly Speaking Parenting Podcast

One of the biggest areas of our life that pays the price when the journey becomes difficult, is our marriage. How do you maintain health when you’re constantly on overload and maxed out?

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We weren’t prepared for the toll that foster care would take on our marriage when we first began the journey 13 years ago. There we sat, in our empty living room, looking at one another as if we were acquaintances and not life partners. We were tired, defeated, frustrated, and drained of all energy. We weren’t prepared for some of the special needs that some of our children had. Because we loved them deeply, we were pouring every ounce of emotional and spiritual energy we had into them.

How To Get Back Up After You’ve Failed Your Kids

Sometimes, as foster and adoptive parents, we’re pushed over the edge and we lose our cool with our children. How do you pick up the pieces and move forward after you’ve failed your children?

Single woman alone swinging on the beach

It started with a disrespectful look, or so I thought. I had asked my 13-year old daughter to do something she knew was her responsibility and the face she made when I asked her for the 4th time, angered me. It quickly escalated into something greater and it was my fault. Sure, she made the face at me, talked disrespectfully, but it didn’t warrant the hurtful words, or angry outburst that came from me.

A Letter From A Mother….

I came across this post as I was searching through my archives and wanted to share it again. My wife wrote this a few years ago to our 22 year old daughter and I shared it last year on this blog. We believe our children are one of the greatest gifts we’ve been given. Even when life is difficult, we love them and believe in them!

The other night our 22-year old daughter came home and my wife and I sat and talked to her for a long while. We listened to her frustrations, we shared some of ours, we talked about wise-choices, we all smiled, laughed a little, loved one another, and even cried a bit. It got me thinking about this post, written by my wife several months ago. It’s a letter she wrote to our daughter after a night like we had a few nights ago. It’s powerful, telling, and most of all, healing!

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Dear Daughter,

I just got off the phone with you and I always feel there is so much more to say. You are doubting your worth. You are confused and uncertain of your purpose. You have a glimpse of how valuable you might be. You are wondering if your circumstances might be holding you back from your potential. You are afraid you don’t have the strength to change.

Oh, if only I could give you more than a glimpse of your worth. If only you could see yourself through the eyes of your dad and me. We marvel at the creation that is you. We are astounded at your strength and resiliency.

Dad and I knew you were something special the first time we met you. You were a quiet 15 year old. You were shy and uncertain. Having just lost your family, you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. Even through your sadness we could see the loving and kind spirit that shown in your eyes. You have a brilliant smile, an exuberant joy and a quiet steadfastness. Over the next 5 years, our observation of your character would prove true time and again.

A couple of weeks ago I told you about that one lone marigold growing out of the pea gravel next to our fire pit. As you know, Dad and I love to plant flowers. Every fall we turn our marigolds over into the soil. In the spring we delight in watching the orange and yellow blooms sprout all over our garden. This spring we noticed with amusement that one of the seeds had been dropped in the middle of a pile of gravel and bloomed. We didn’t have the heart to pluck it, so there it has grown. Out of the hundreds of marigolds that have blossomed this year, that one unique flower, is the strongest and most beautiful of them all.

In your life, you have been carried unwillingly to places that you did not desire to go. You have been planted into circumstances that you did not wish for. However, you have chosen to blossom. You have extended your roots, soaked up life’s nourishment and grown stronger than those around you.
Now you find yourself in a place that may be holding you back…

Do you have strength to change? Yes.

Do you have a life worth changing? Yes.

Do you have a purpose? YES.

How do I know? Simple, God Made You!
I wasn’t there when he knit you together. I wasn’t there when you were born. I wasn’t there when you walked, talked, rode a bike for the first time.  I don’t hold every memory you hold in your heart. I’m sorry I don’t share those things with you. I do share this. I have watched you grow into a young woman. I have seen your kindness. I have felt your love. I have watched you serve others. I have witnessed your humility. I have taken joy in your joy. I have feared for your safety. I have trusted you implicitly. I have shed tears over your sorrow. I have valued every minute of being your mother. I know the depth of your worth. You are worth everything. 
I love you.
Love,
Mom

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