It’s easy for parents who are caring for children with a trauma history to mistake triggered behavior for disobedience. But, when you understand the origin of behavior, your entire perspective changes. Join us for this week’s episode as we discuss this topic…
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Often, when our children are agitated, irritable, or aggressive, we can default to a traditional mindset when it comes to their behavior. We mistake trauma-induced behaviors for selfishness, belligerence, and disobedience. But this comes out of a lack of understanding as to how a child with a trauma history can be triggered. Sights, smells, sounds, activity, and more can cause a child to escalate without us even knowing it. In this latest episode of The Honestly Adoption podcast, we not only walk through the signs of triggered behavior, but also how to respond. Listen to the episode now…
We all wish we could go back in time and change something we did wrong, or didn’t do at all. While it’s not possible, we can certainly learn from past mistakes and grow as we move forward.
Oh how I wish time machines were real. Like, for real, real! I’m not even kidding. I’ll admit it openly here…I secretly watch Back To The Future with a bit of wishful thinking. I think through some of my royal screw-ups from the yester-years, shake my head, grit my teeth, and think, If only! If only I could hop into that glorious Delorean with Marty and bust a move back to that instance, that one moment, that day I said something I didn’t mean, or that traumatic fall out with one of our kids, and do things differently.
It’s a common thread we read in emails and comments from adoptive families. Everyone is excited about their adoption except their extended family. Is there anyway to change this?
I’m going to be brutally honest here. Extended families (moms, dads, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters) can be the worst supporters when you’re starting out on the adoptive journey. In fact, some of the stories we’ve heard recently wouldn’t even qualify as support. They’re anything but. Personally, we haven’t experienced this. We are blessed to have two amazing families on both sides who have always supported our family and our decision to adopt. But we’ve spent lots of time with people who aren’t as fortunate.
It’s easy to take your child’s special need diagnosis personally. Often times, we work so hard to find solutions, or fix our children, that we miss the blessings in our new life journey.
That was Bruce’s story. When his 8-year old son Bauer was diagnosed with autism, at a very early age, Bruce took it personally, even blamed himself. For years he tried to “fix” his son. He and his wife Bethany took Bauer to therapy 5 days a week, which was helpful, according to Bruce, but often in attempt to fix.
Let’s be honest. Marriage isn’t easy. Whenever you bring two individual human beings with their own personalities, hang-ups, and idiosyncrasies into a relationship, bombs are going to detonate. Really, there’s no way to avoid this entirely. But there are some steps you can take to reduce their frequency and find peace.
I was hearing my wife, but not really listening to her. I could have used the high demands of my job, how tired I was, or all of the stuff I still had to get done as an excuse. It was no use. At the end of the day, it was completely my fault.
I had been leaving early in the morning, spending 8 hours at my office, then coming home and pulling out my laptop to write nearly every day for several weeks. My wife was taking care of our home, getting our children ready for school, planning meals, keeping up with laundry, running to IEP and doctor’s appointments, then ending her day helping our children with the abundance of homework they were each assigned.