For the next several weeks we are asking the question, “Is it disobedience or something else?” The reality is, children who have experienced significant trauma display behaviors that can often be misinterpreted as disobedience. But the truth is, there is so much more going on.
Sometimes we can become so exhausted on this journey that we lose sight of our children’s accomplishments. They are warriors. Many have had to overcome so much! Even if you’re in a hard season, you have reason to be proud!
Once again, to my surprise, school is drawing to a close for the year. Parents, we’ve almost made it! Announcements for award ceremonies are going out through multiple emails. Parents are notified if their children will be receiving an award. We received a note stating one child would. Not a surprise. He’s a smart kid. Does his homework without being told. Those kind do exist who seemingly don’t struggle. But we got another one. For another child. And I knew due to the flu season that ravaged our home and required renting a carpet cleaner, it wasn’t for attendance. What could this award be? Surely this is wrong. Perhaps it accidentally got placed in the wrong backpack.
As our children grow into adulthood, we become increasingly helpless to stop them from making choices that could lead to serious consequences. We’re in this season with one of our children. What do you do when you realize you can no longer stop them from doing what they want?
I remember the first time my child did something that led to a serious outcome. At the time he was 13 years old, and it was the summer of 2016. He was enrolled in a day camp in the neighboring town to our home. In the middle of the day, during the second week he attended, we were called to pick him up suddenly in the middle of the day. He became physically aggressive with another camper.
It can be a difficult thing to not do, at times, because your child’s storyline may not be very positive. But it’s critical that we never bad mouth our child’s first family. Here’s why…
My mom taught me not to talk about people behind their back. I appreciate that lesson. It was something that she and my dad not only taught us but something they also modeled.
From frustrating IEP meetings, to disagreeable doctors, inappropriate church goers, and nosey neighbors. The world is full of people who think we’re making our child’s disorder up, or just misunderstand our reality altogether. The question is, will they ever understand?
No. They won’t. Actually, let me change that…probably…most likely not. Bitter pill to swallow, I know. I’ve racked my brain over this topic for a very long time, and as much as I want to be optimistic and hopeful, at the end of the day, I have to say, I don’t think so. I don’t think the world ever will understand. Disorders like FASDs (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders) oppositional defiance disorder, attachment disorder, or separation anxieties (to name a few) are misunderstood, if not ignored completely.
When most families around the world celebrate a Holiday like Easter Sunday with jubilation, families like ours brace for a storm. From the candy, overstimulation from church and family gatherings, to the mad rush of an easter egg hunt, it often proves to be disastrous. How do you find hope when this is the case?
It’s the day after Easter. I’m sitting on the couch scrolling through Facebook. I should know better after holidays. Look at all the beautiful family pictures! All those smiles! Such pretty dresses. Everyone enjoying church together. Fun Easter egg hunts and spring activities. Lots and LOTS of smiles and thanksgiving for blissful time with extended family and a few mentions of what Easter truly is.
Join Mike and Kristin, Jamie Finn from Foster The Family Blog, and Dr. Ira Chasnoff from NTIUPstream.com for the very first Insight Conference in Indianapolis, Indiana this coming November 15th and 16th.
How many times have you let your past or incessant focus on the future impede your right now? Maybe your right now is a snapshot of you and your hubby. Maybe your right now is a quest to build your family through adoption. In the midst of planning for your tomorrow, it is important to make space to experience joy in the moment-in the right now.
It is a hard task to incorporate our life challenges-like infertility, or loss, or illness-into our life story, and still experience joy and celebrate life in the present. Life circumstances might dictate the season you are walking through, but you choose how you spend your time in the right now.